In conversation with Ruby and Tash

This week Ruby and Tash are discussing the topic of ‘Hitchhikers’ via Facebook Messenger

Tash:    Ok, this week we’ll discuss Hitchhikers, because I am reading a book about a man who is hitchhiking the length of Japan……you don’t tend to see many now, occasionally there was one wandering on Uckfield bypass, back in the day

Ruby:   What the same hitchhiker, a one useless one, stuck in Uckfield like purgatory- or different ones?

Tash:    Like I remember a straggly hippy man and then a girl one time, that was controversial. They had signs like “take me to Crowborough”. Nowhere too demanding I don’t think

Ruby:    What’s in Crowborough?

Tash:     Although you could just get a fuckin bus there. Not much, SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLES old house

Ruby:    Yeah once I saw one in Boughton that wanted to go to Canterbury, and I’ve walked from Boughton to Canterbury before, it’s maybe 2 hours?

Tash:     Hahahahaa Fuckin Lazy

Ruby:    I just think maybe they’re lazy actually and you can bunk Kent trains so easy maybe they like danger?

Tash:     Maybe, I don’t think many would stop for them. But then this is the same road that mr eyepatch frequents. He’s going to come up every week.

Ruby:    Yay a frequent guest! My dad hitchhiked to Paris in his youth

Tash:     Did he that’s so cool. How did he get on?

Ruby:    yeah, he got there and spent the night on a roundabout, but he was an art student

Tash:     Hahahahahaha So glamorous. That’s what you wanna do in Paris

Ruby:    His desire to visit the Picasso museum was greater than life itself

Tash:     That’s admirable

Ruby:    The flossy flossy

Tash:     Good for Papa ROOBI! How did he get across the sea?

Ruby:    He hitchhiked on a dolphin. He was at Dover all ‘click click click English click Channel click click pays de Calais click click’, in his very best Dolphinese

Tash:     How majestic.

Ruby:    Where do you think is the most dangerous place to hitchhike?

Tash:     Hmmm Syria probs

Ruby:    oh yeah let’s not go down the Syria road

Tash:     I think Iceland would be badman too as the roads are so icy, I presume

Ruby:   yeah Iceland wouldn’t be safe, but then there aren’t many Icelanders are there?

Tash:     No so you run another risk there, of never being picked up

Ruby:    Or getting Bjork and then having an icy journey full of crazy

Tash:     Hahaha id get in her car it would be nutty bananas. I’d come out the other end upside down.

Ruby:    She is from there isn’t she? I’ve not made that up?

Tash:    Yeah she’s an Eskimo Isn’t she

Ruby:    Do you think it’d be cosy being an Eskimo, cos I do

Tash:     I do. Nice warm coat. Not too keen on the blubber aspect, blubber on toast or under your armpits.

Ruby:    but it would be nice in a way cos you’d HAVE to put on weight, so we could sit in our igloo eating all the pasta

Tash:    That would be heavenly

Ruby:    Rubbing our bellies in actual happiness

Tash:     Hahahahha “I am accomplished, this huge pasta belly is helpful”. Would you stay in the igloo ice hotel as part of your metaphorical hitchhike journey? Joanna Lumley did it but I don’t think I could sleep with a fuckin coat on.

Ruby:    yes I think I would. Did she like it? Would it be nice?

Tash:     She did she said it was marvellous

Ruby:    or stressful

Tash:     For me it would be stressful, I also don’t like having socks on in bed. So with all that gear, but I probably would do it if I had the opportunity

Ruby:    No I don’t like having socks on in bed. Sometimes my friend sits in bed with her jeans on and I don’t like this, not one bit.

Tash:     OH MY GOD THIS IS MY NUMBER ONE PET PEEVE IS PEOPLE WHO GET INTO BED WITH THEIR FUCKIN OUTDOORS CLOTHES ON.

Ruby:    I know I know! I mean sometimes I go outside in my pyjamas, but I think that’s a sign of the times.

Tash:    Yeah same but I take them off and they go in the wash and I put another pair on before bed. I don’t care if that is too anal.

Ruby:    Same same, because they become outside clothes then and have outside air and particles on them.

Tash:     Yis exactly. I also have special outside pajamas which are thicker and more sturdy. I go to Tesco in these.

Ruby:    Yes, I have a pair of black jogging bottoms, that are a size 20, and i wear these to lounge and to go outside.

Tash:     Do you lift them up around your ears

Ruby:    I do, and also occasionally pretend I’m a weight loss success story

Tash:    Would you pick up a hitchhiker who was in jimjams?

Ruby:    Hmm, probably not.

Tash:     No never pick them up, LEAVE THEM. THEY ARE DANGEROUS PEOPLE.

Ruby:    Would you pick up Jesus? or Nelson Mandela

Tash:     I’d have to I would feel so bad

Ruby:    If they were alive, of course, and needed a lift to Crowborough

Tash:     Hahaha deffo Nelson; I would also give him a tour of sir Arthur Conan DOYLES house and take him to the Waitrose.

Ruby:    Yeah I think Jesus was a bit mad maybe. Well I don’t know that, but he might have been

Tash:    Jesus could probably make the car like fly and give you unlimited petrol

Ruby:    Yes, this is true

Tash:     But then he might expect a really long lift

Ruby:    to Nazareth

Tash:     Exactly. This book I’m reading Is actually called Hitchhiking with Buddha, how apt is that

Ruby:    Very! Is it good?

Tash:     It is it is very enlightening to crazy things like Japanese pod hotels but also the amazing natural beauty of Nippon.

Ruby:    ah, I’d like to read this. I’d imagine you’d have a Nippon in the ice hotel.

Tash:    I recommend. Hahahahaha good pun there

Ruby:   Thank you

Tash:    And that concludes our CHAT OF DA WEEK